BRICRIU’S BITTER TONGUE
Among the warriors of the Red Branch in Ulster, there was one whose words were sharper than any sword—Bricriu of the Bitter Tongue. He had a terribly sour disposition, which many believed stemmed from a wound he had suffered in his youth. A javelin had pierced his kidneys, leaving him unable to enjoy rich food or strong drink. While others feasted, he could eat only porridge and eggs, drinking nothing stronger than buttermilk.
Unable to find pleasure in food, Bricriu took his greatest delight in stirring up strife among others. His sharp tongueand love for discord eventually became so troublesome that King Conchobar mac Nessa banished him from Emain Macha, commanding him to stay in his own lands.
But Bricriu was not one to accept defeat.
THE GREAT FEASTING HALL
Determined to regain his influence, Bricriu set to work on a grand scheme. He built for Conchobar and the Red Branch warriors the finest feasting hall ever seen in Ireland.
It had twelve different houses for the twelve houses of the Red Branch, a high seat in the centre for Conchobar, and a private balcony for Bricriu and his wife to sit and watch the chaos he planned to unleash.
The hall was built of the finest materials, gilded in bronze and gold, and adorned with carvings so beautiful that no one in Ulster could resist coming to see it. When it was finally ready, Bricriu set out for Emain Macha to invite Conchobar, the warriors, and their families to his great feast.
A WARNING IGNORED
Conchobar was willing to accept the invitation, but Fergus mac Róich warned him,
“If we go, there will be more of us left dead than alive. He will stir up such a fight among us.”
Hearing of their hesitation, Bricriu sent a dire warning:
“If you refuse my invitation, I will stir up strife between every father and son in Ulster until they come to death-blows. If that is not enough, I will set every woman against her daughter, and I will cause such division among the women that they will beat their breasts in rage and turn their milk sour.”
At this terrible threat, the men of Ulster gathered for a meeting.
Their wisest man, Sencha mac Ailella, suggested a compromise—they would attend Bricriu’s feast, but only under strict conditions. Bricriu would be placed under guard of eight men and would not be allowed to return to the hall until the feast was over.
Bricriu agreed to the terms, but he had no intention of keeping his promise.
THREE WARRIORS, ONE PRIZE
While the warriors of Ulster debated, Bricriu had already set his plan in motion.
First, he approached Lóegaire Búadach, a warrior of the Red Branch, and began praising him excessively.
“Lóegaire,” he said, “it is a mystery to me why, after all your great deeds, the champion’s portion of Ulster is not given to you at every feast.”
Lóegaire agreed that he deserved it. Bricriu described the champion’s portion at his feast—a boar raised on milk and sweet herbs, a bullock fattened on the finest grass, a vat of wine so large three men could fit inside, and the sweetest honey cakes in Ireland.
“Make sure your charioteer claims the champion’s portion for you,” Bricriu whispered.
Lóegaire promised he would.
Next, Bricriu sought out Conall Cernach.
“Conall, I do not understand why such a great warrior as yourself does not claim the champion’s portion,” he said.
By the time he was done with his flattery, Conall was determined to claim the prize for himself.
Finally, Bricriu found Cú Chulainn.
He described the riches of the champion’s portion, and Cú Chulainn laughed.
“If any man tries to keep me from it,” he said, “I will leave his head on the floor.”
Satisfied, Bricriu returned home, delighted with the chaos he had created.
THE FEAST TURNS TO WAR
On the day of the feast, Conchobar and his warriors arrived, accompanied by their families and retainers.
When they were all seated, Bricriu, under guard, stood up and declared:
“Let the champion’s portion be claimed!”
Then, laughing, he withdrew to his balcony to watch the mayhem unfold.
Sure enough, Lóegaire’s charioteer stood up and claimed the champion’s portion for Lóegaire. At the same moment, Conall’s charioteer did the same for Conall.
Then Láeg, Cú Chulainn’s charioteer, shouted them both down:
“It is clear to all that Cú Chulainn is the greatest warrior in Ulster!”
At once, the three champions leapt to their feet and threw themselves at each other.
Lóegaire and Conall attacked Cú Chulainn together, and the fighting was so fierce that the sparks from their blades made the feasting hall look like it was on fire.
Sencha turned to Conchobar and warned,
“You must put a stop to this fight. It is two against one, and soon the other warriors will take sides.”
Conchobar stood up, unarmed, and walked into the midst of the battle, placing himself between the blades.
The three warriors dropped their swords rather than strike their king, and Sencha declared that the matter must be settled another day.
The champion’s portion was divided among all, and the warriors swore to await a final judgment.
But Bricriu was not done yet.
THE WOMEN’S CONTEST
Seeing the women of Ulster leaving the hall for a walk, Bricriu rushed to catch them.
To Lóegaire’s wife, he whispered:
“The first woman to return will be counted the first lady of Ulster, queen among all.”
Then he said the same thing to Conall’s wife and to Emer, the wife of Cú Chulainn.
As the women walked, each tried to stay slightly ahead of the others.
The pace quickened—and soon they were racing at full speed.
Inside the hall, the men heard a thunderous noise and thought an enemy army was approaching.
But Sencha knew better.
“Close the doors!” he cried. “Bricriu has turned the women against each other!”
Just as Emer reached the door, it slammed shut.
The women, furious, demanded entry.
To settle the dispute, they agreed to a battle of words.
Lóegaire’s wife boasted of her beauty, Conall’s wife of her virtue, but Emer ended the debate:
“Shaped like cows and led by cows are the women of Ulster when set beside Cú Chulainn’s wife.”
This nearly set the warriors fighting again, but Cú Chulainn simply lifted the entire side of the hall, allowing Emer and her fifty waiting women to enter.
A FEAST OF DISCORD
Though Bricriu had achieved his goal of chaos, his beautiful feasting hall lay in ruins.
Still, he had one last trick to play—but that is a tale for another day.
